core transformation trip report

i was guided in core transformation today and had my deepest session with the method yet. the basic technique of core transformation is to get in touch with a part, ask it what it wants and listen for the answer, then ask it to step into what it would be like to already have that outcome, and ask what it wants from there that’s even more important. then we repeat that process until reaching a state that has no further desire underneath it, which we call the core state.

over the course of some 40 minutes this morning, i went through many layers of relief, deepening, shaking, crying, to arrive at a core state of cosmic love, which then propagated back up the whole chain.

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i started with a part that didn't want to feel vulnerable. starting to follow its intended outcome chain, we found its desires:
-> “leave me alone,” i want to be ok
-> comfort
-> to be with people

and then i had a second part strongly objecting to being with people, such that it couldn’t even let the first part imagine what it would be like to do that. we ended up following this second part’s desires all the way down:
-> don't want them to hurt me
-> to be able to love them
-> to be loved back
-> relief
-> playfulness
-> silliness
-> wide smile, rolling around on the floor, easy connection
-> happiness
-> peace
-> beingness
-> dissolution (or death)
-> an even deeper peace
-> cosmic love (core state)

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the feeling of profundity increased noticeably in the last 5 or 6 layers, and i already felt quite deep in the psyche several layers before that. this method is a very effective way to go deep quickly. it's also, i would say, very gentle, because it is following the gradient of authentic desire.

and as a parts work modality, just like IFS, we never need to override ANY objecting part. they are all welcome to the party, and learning to hear, empathize, thank, and respect all of them is one of the great benefits of a good parts work method.

i had a number other parts object at various times. each time we checked to see if we needed to switch to them (as we did early in the process as noted above), or if they were ok with us staying with the same part, which they usually were, once acknowledged and noted.

some of the objecting parts that arose (and that ideally i’ll be able to give a whole session of their own to, in time):
-sadness
-embarassment
-i'm afraid i'm doing it wrong
-cranky/grumpy about the protocol
-resistance to love cracking open happiness
-self judgement

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once reaching the core state, the next phase is to ask the part, "when you already have this core state as a way of being, how does it radiate through, enrich, or transform" each item above it on the outcome chain, one by one. largely this is a somatic and energetic process, but sometimes clear concepts arise intuitively as well. such as:

• the peace that immediately preceded the cosmic love - i saw it was the same as the love

• the dissolution or death - any aspect of this that was a craving for non-existence, i saw fade away

• the desire to be loved back - i saw that the other's love and my own essence are of the same nature. it's just love loving love

• my desire to love others - i saw that whatever love i do or don't feel for others is unrelated to my deepest nature or my worth — these are immutable. the love is not "mine" or a reflection of me, it comes from the deeper cosmic place

• the not wanting to be hurt - i saw that this core state of love is something that cannot possibly be hurt

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i was guided (and then took a turn guiding) as part of the official core transformation practice training group, which meets once weekly. i was very grateful to get to practice with others who have been working with this method much longer than me.

i asked about how to help integrate this experience into my life, into my responses and behaviors, etc. they said there’s not much else to do, that the process of integration continues to happen on its own in the subconscious, and just to keep doing self-guided and other-guided CT sessions.

i'm grateful to be able to keep studying this method, keep practicing it on my own, keep receiving it from others, and keep offering it to others.

may all beings be at ease. may all beings feel the connection to their deepest natures, to bedrock peace, to bedrock love, immutable and all pervasive.

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